Dating Your Opposite Post-Divorce
Sometimes dating one’s opposite adds spice to a relationship or in other cases, tears it apart. The trick is knowing when someone is quirky vs. not the right match at all. Lust or the heady feeling of being in love can blind some to potential problem spots. Having one’s head in the sand like an ostrich does not make problems go away, but rather delays dealing with them. Whether it is being of different religions, ideology or life philosophies, issues need to be addressed before rushing to the alter. An example of opposites working out differences and being happily married for fifty years is Violet and Terrence. She is city girl who loathes camping out, doing long treks, or white water rafting. Her outdoorsy husband releases his inner mountain man by long hikes and sleeping rough in the wild. They cherish each other and learned to compromise. They bought a luxurious camper van with all mod cons including a cosy kitchen. This couple takes short hikes together and she happily reads while Terrence does the arduous ones solo. I have joined his camping trips staying in tents for white water rafting adventures. Violet keeps busy with extended family while Terrance is away on these short jaunts. They both taught me to cross country ski. Violet is happy for the gentle nudge to enjoy being out in nature. There are some fundamental issues that sometimes cannot be resolved. A former co-worker of mine is an in-your-face vegetarian who had married a carnivore. She ended up getting a divorce and it had not helped their relationship by having hunters on his family tree. Sometimes opposite temperaments and interests are the death knoll for relationships. My former fiancé was an introvert and I am an extrovert. I love to dance and he would…
Perks of Single Parenting Post-Divorce
Being in a toxic marriage sucks the energy right out of you – so there is less available for the children. Youngsters are smart, so may act up to get your limited attention when you are still wed. After my divorce was finalized, I truly could then focus on my sons. Even my cats seem to appreciate the extra time we spend together post-divorce. I did not realize that being in survival mode meant trying to avoid conflict rather than being spontaneous. Now my sons and I can be vagabonds traipsing around the planet – budget and time permitting. Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance. Instead of viewing life as an obstacle course, it is an adventure with serendipitous moments post-divorce. My sons give this feedback about single parenthood. They claim I listen to them intently now which in turn enables them to feel more valued. We discuss our lives in depth instead of merely skimming the surface as was done pre-divorce. As a stressed out married mum, I was more of a dictator echoing my German grandfather’s “and that’s that,” instead of hearing what the boys had to say. Although I set boundaries and make the rules – I am more willing to get the lads’ points of view in this new chapter of our lives. Single parents told me that they became more patient in the post-divorce period and do not get angry over every little thing. Being in a toxic marriage was like having road rage. One is angry in general and perceived infractions can put one over the edge leading to explosions. Anger builds walls…
Wives Bringing Their Divorces South for Better Settlements
London courts are increasingly getting a reputation for being more generous when it comes to divorce payouts. This is creating something of a North/South divide when it comes to divorce, as more and more wives seek to have their cases settled in the South in the hope of achieving a more favourable settlement. Family law firms across the country have reported observing this trend, with some even suggesting that there could be a “maintenance map” illustrating likely size of divorce payouts and length of maintenance arrangement terms across different areas of the UK. London judges, in particular, are generally perceived as being more likely to favour settlements that will see spouses supported financially in the longer term, as opposed to shorter fixed-term maintenance orders. Courts not just in London but in the wider South East region if not the South as a whole also have a reputation of favouring the wife when it comes to divorce. By contrast, Northern courts are perceived as less “pro-wife” and more in favour of the husband when it comes to settlements. Even within a region, however, there is a lot of variation from court to court and from town to town. Some courts favour an equal split in assets with no ongoing maintenance arrangement in order to give both spouses a clean break. Others favour long-term, regular maintenance payments from the more financially independent spouse to their former partner. Traditionally, wives (who have most commonly been the financially dependent half of a marriage in the past) could expect such support payments to last until they remarried, but maintenance arrangements are now increasingly becoming fixed-term affairs. Once again, there is a lot of variation between different courts, towns and regions as to how long these tend to last. The divorce system is designed to reach…
A Trip is Essential After a Divorce
Getting away post-divorce is just the ticket to rebooting your life and making a fresh start. My post-divorce journeys were both internal and external as in “Eat, Pray, Love” by Elizabeth Gilbert. After being divorced for a few months, I felt like running away and that I did – to South Africa. It was a nurses’ tour, so I balanced alone time with camaraderie. This took me out of familiar surroundings and into the unknown. That is a way to focus on something else other than one’s woes. The other travelers asked me questions that were not directed by my divorce situation. Friends at home kept reminding me of my new single circumstance, it was great to be away from that. And, seeing lions, elephants and more in their natural habitat leaves one with a sense of awe. It was an honor to be temporarily a part of their world. The obstacles in my life became smaller after seeing what these animal mothers endure, with poachers, hunters, and illegal snare traps. Teens can be a handful in the best of circumstances and more so after divorce. Near Cape Town is a penguin colony and their adolescents reminded us tour members of our kids. These young penguins were acting cool and huddled in a group. They would yell when younger siblings tried to join them. If a parent started to come over to them, these juvenile penguins turned their backs and ignored the adults. Sound familiar? Lesson learned was being able to laugh at these penguin adolescents enabled me to find my sons more amusing. The women in Africa were building huts, foraging for food and had a rough existence by our Western standards, yet seemed very happy. That put my life in perspective. I became more grateful for what I…
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